It would be better if everything hurt
Because at least that’s a feeling
Numb
Numb is torture
Numb emotions numb hands legs feet
Everything is seen and not felt
I can’t feel anything
Numbness
sometimes i still miss my razor
but im glad i recovered
but now its back
and i wonder if i ever really recovered
im too empty to hurt myself
but
the whispers can do far more damage
make me number
sicker
sadder
than a razor can
and i just want to be okay again
but
i don’t know how
how do you say
“i am depressed”
“i have anxiety and its bad”
“i need help”
without scaring people
without getting questions
i dont want questions
from my parents
my sister
my friends
i want
need
an outlet
but i don’t know how
how
even just talking to you would help,
but i dont know how
because you get upset
and that makes me feel shittier
and i dont want you upset
youre too good
too nice
too kind
for that
i cant do that to you
but i want
need
to talk
let it out
i dont know
how
im nothing to you, arent i?
Insommnia
I had a dream that my mom found out about my depression last night. Even though she just wanted to help, it was incredibly frightening. I mean I want help, but I just can’t burden anyone. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve completely lost my will to do anything.
I don’t even know why people care. I m just a fuck up
Ah depression. Thank you for rejoining me on my quest of life. I really enjoy being weighed down. Thank you.
Everything is flickering. I don’t like this. Why is this happening.
